wow....it's seriously been years since i've posted an entry on this thing. at first i was thinking of just completely starting over, and making a new xanga full of private entries and what not, but then...looking back on some the great entries that i'd added to this xanga in the past (and by great i mean COMPLETELY random jargon)....i just couldn't.  i mean it's my life...full of pop culture and irregularity.

some of you may wonder what triggered this sudden burst of xanga revival....well, i actually came across a recent entry posted by a super fantastic being that led me to think, hmmm life sure is grand...be it as it may. and as with everything in life....down to those horrid plaid pants i found in my closet that i used to wear my first year of college...one day you'll look back at it and chuckle.

so in current news....can i just say that Stacie Orrico is an AMAZING artist?! i've been following this girl's work since "supergirl" back in her disney days, but i recently came across her "Beautiful Awakening" album on youtube and i've just been blown away! oh and by the way......i STILL do not officially own the album! i've gone to every best buy in the land and none of them have it. i was lucky enough to get my hands on this pretty rad "Best of Stacie Orrico" cd, that's been my light on this quest, but i think i'm just gonna have to buckle down and order it off of amazon.com or something. .....anyways, as i've mentioned to some people already, i'm kind of going through an Emancipation of Tiffy moment in my life. i've let go of some ties in my life in hopes of gaining the strength to learn from my mistakes and move on.  and in the process i've learned that it isn't easy to just drop everything and state that you're truly DONE!...but sometimes it's just gotta happen.  no one in the world is perfect...one may strive for perfection...but in the end..it is what it is.  i've become a firm believer that the only thing constant in life is change...and that everything in life happens for a reason. we're all out searching for our destiny. it may appear to come sooner for some...but even at that point, is that all that is in store for you?

Stacie Orrico's song "Beautiful Awakening" (click this link for the song ---> http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJMyqVNZHto) seemed to "awaken" a spirit within me...one that's slowly been coming of age, but until recently, hasn't been exerted. in her lyrics she compares her awakening to  "a color that you've never seen" and "a taste that you've never tasted"...which makes me think of all of the times when my students will ask me what my favorite color is, and it's such a specific shade of either purple or green that i can't really find a name for it. or like when i try to encourage anyone going to disneyland to try the Dole Whip. "How would you describe the taste?" they ask.....well it's pineapple cloud delight!!.... but have i ever reached up to the Heavens and tasted a cloud?....no. BUT if i could....it would taste something like that.     she then goes on to ask if you can "imagine if you spent your whole life with a heart beating out of time"...why yes Stacie, i can...."and then one day your wild heart found it's rhythm, don't you think you'd lose your mind?"....quite possibly....but it's hard to distinguish the heart beats from the butterfly flutters in my tummy.       she then describes a day in your life when you wake up and "see ugly things as beautiful".....and can i just say that finding the beauty in the simple gestures and mispronounced words of my esl students brings joy to my life on an hourly basis. the question then plagues, "would you believe if you fell in love with a stranger...would you be doubtful?" well, i must say that i had my doubts in the beginning, but i think my insistent determination has guided me through it all. and then the kicker!!! : "when i looked at you my heart already knew, you had come to breathe life into my dormant soul." and i'm sure that you have NO idea how close the edge i was. the edge of what? sanity and insanity? who knows? but you've brought SO many new wonderful people into my life, who allow me to see that the tokens of my friendship, whether grand or mere really do hold meaning. and yes, "i was terrified. i'm not afraid anymore" because you proved me to that there really isn't anything to be afraid of. my thoughts just get so wrapped up, and though i like to believe that i don't let what others think of me get in the way.......it really does. but i can't allow it to prevent me from standing up for myself and doing what has to be done. and through ALL of these obstacles, i've come to realize that God is the one who embraces my heart, "AND NOW I FEEL ALIVE!"

"Merry Christmas! Happy Birthday!" - Larry and Balki  'perfect strangers'

yes yes, xanga world....to quote Staind..."it's been a while".....

dear xanga...forgive me for i have sinned...it's been about 2 months since my last post. HA HA HA! ::looks up:: sorry Lord, but you know that one was funny. almost as funny as Krisha's Jesus loves you (front) but everyone else thinks you suck (back) t-shirt.

• so yeah...how can i best sum up these past couple of months? well...that's a good question. SO much as gone on that i don't even know where to start. maybe one word summarizations will work the best: like 24, Maddox, Jack,  Bang!, dance, Thicke, Legend, Paul, Julius....ummm ha ha ha ok enough. this is starting to make my head feel weird.
• so back to what moved be to write this post......i just watched THE most awesome episode of Perfect Strangers! yeah, total blast from the past! i just figured out that i can watch entire vintage episodes on AOL. so i think you can just guess how i'm gonna be spending my friday night. ha! but anyway....so it was the first Christmas special that they aired and it was the one where Larry had made plans to go to Madison to visit his family and he was gonna take Balki with him, but then, to their dismay, they got snowed in. so Larry tried with all of his might to find a way for them to get there...but NOTHING worked. so the two of them ended up staying in their apartment, which by the way totally bummed Larry out cuz he had his heart set on being the "Christmas Boy" HA! so Balki goes and gets all of these decorations from a shop downstairs and decks the halls and puts on a Santa suit, but Larry still isn't happy. but Balki still pushes him to pass out gifts and open them. so Balki opens his and it's an old school boom box with a Wayne Newton cassette tape. and then Larry opens his and it's a tapestry that Balki had taken the time to make for him. it was SO precious. and it was at the moment that Larry started to feel the Christmas spirit! it was SUCH a touching episode. i really started to tear up. and i've been doing that a lot this season. i really don't know why? i really can't seem to understand the emotions behind it all? am i sad becuz i'm not at home fa la la-ing with the 'rents?....am i sad becuz after paying for that stupid speeding ticket i'm down in my funds this holiday seaon?....am i sad becuz i can't sit around with my kids at school and create trees and stockings? or even send a simple Merry Christmas to the parents as they exit the door.....am i sad that i'm only gonna have the weekend and 2 days in Delano this year for the holidays?.......am i looking ahead and seeing that i'm probably going to be spending yet another night alone up in my room on new years watching ever new years rockin' eve known to man on my tiny tv?......am i sad that i can only bundle up in my favorite winter gear after 4pm around here?....am i sad becuz i feel unappreciated and misunderstood around them?......am i sad that my festiveness isn't anywhere near the happenings on the nsync christmas cd?......i guess it could be a combination of everything. but oddly enough, it's not a ba-humbug kinda feeling...it's more of a...a...stevie wonder "one little Christmas tree" kinda feeling.  le sigh.